Ten Things To Do To Get Fired

We did ten things to do to get hired, now ten things to do to get fired.  This from a corresponding article.

1. Don't bother learning what's expected of you.
Sit down with your manager and make sure you understand exactly what your job entails, your deadlines and any relevant department policies. This eliminates ambiguity and ensures you'll know how your performance measures up.

This writer seems to have a somewhat better handle on the subject, probably has been fired a time or two.  This works only if your boss knows what is expected of him/her.  Not always the case.

2. Learn to say, "That's not part of my job description," and use it frequently.
Everyone needs to set limits, but doing only the bare minimum sends a clear message that you're just interested in a regular paycheck. Sooner or later, your boss will start looking for someone willing to take more initiative.

If you say something like this you deserve to be fired as your boss writes your job description so he/she (I'm going to can this he/she stuff, will go with he for writing ease) can tell you to do anything they want, within legal things that is.

Go shopping in the supply closet.
While you're at it, run a few errands with the company car and pad your expense report. Stealing from the company is one of the best ways to guarantee your immediate dismissal.

Everybody ends up with the odd company pen or pencil at home, just don't overdo it.  I doubt if few people raid the company store on a regular basis, I mean how many staplers do you need?  But the expense account is a different story.  I have seen more careeers go down the drain because of this than any other source.  One big place to watch out for is if the COMPANY allows and even encourages you to 'pad the expense account.'  I don't know if many companies do it now but a few years ago many companies allowed executives to view the expense account as additional income.  The worst example I have seen is a guy went to work for a company, he was encouraged to pad the expense account with personal items, then the company fired him for some reason.  He wanted a package and they said no, you stole from the company.  And he had. 

For those of you clucking about the evil American capitalism that would allow such a thing, it is my experience that most companies that allow expense account padding are foreign companies.  The tax rates are so high that living off the company is viewed as ok.  But don't make it ok for you.

4. Abuse company technology.
Think your boss won't notice that you spend more time instant messaging your friends than you do working? Think again. Most companies monitor all their employees' e-mails and Internet usage -- and that includes what you do with your laptop after hours. Never use your company computer for anything illegal or X-rated.

This one is on the money.  Just read an article in Newsweek or Time and the programs they have to catch you are unreal.  I wouldn't go near a computer at work any more for personal stuff.  Stay away.

5. Complain about your job to anyone who will listen.
Whether your pay is too low, the work is drudgery or you think your boss is an idiot, be careful of who hears you complain. If it gets back to your boss, she may just put you out of your misery.

It is a sad fact that you spend more time at your company than with your family but it is true.  And familiarity breeds contempt.  Companies are just huge rumor mills so the least said the better.  Get a dog or a punching bag but try and limit the bitching.  This is really hard.  Believe me, I know.

Finish up tomorrow.