Ask Uncle Bill

No Experience, No Job--Not Really

The biggest complaint I hear coming from newly minted college grads is trying to get a job with no experience.  You have to have experience to get  a job but can't get a job because you have no experience.

Not exactly.  First of all, the gate keepers in companies are the Human Resources folks.  They write up the job description, in most cases, and screen the resumes.  I, as a hiring manager, let them do neither.  But I was the exception as most bosses are too lazy to take the time or do the work so they leave it to HR and reap the result.  The one thing HR always puts in there is 1-2 years experience.  They must have it programmed into their computers.

So you read the ad and don't do anything.  You don't send in a resume because you don't have 1-2 years experience.  Big mistake.

Here are the facts of getting a job or actually that first good job.

1.  HR puts the 1-2 years thing in there just to make sure the people THEY interview know what it is like to show up for a job.  HR doesn't want to take chances so they would rather screen all you high potential folks out in favor of some idiot that has "1-2 years experience."

2.  The hiring manager wants a bargain.  We all do.  He/she wants a great employee for a bargain basement price.  So your job is to get around HR and to the hiring manager.

3.  Don't compare yourself to other workers.  You have a degree (which most people in this country do not) and you are smart but you don't have experience.  In twenty years you will have plenty of experience and people (headhunters) will be calling you but for now the equation is Young and Inexperienced=Low Pay.  Older and Lots of Experience and Competence=High Pay.

So how do we get the first job?  By going through job hell.  Step number 1 is to realize that getting the first job is a numbers game.  Finish the resume, jump on the on line classifieds first thing on Monday morning and start slamming.  Send out a resume (and sincere cover letter if allowed) to any job that seems remotely interesting.  When Margot was looking for a job I emailed her every link that didn't include adult entertainment.

Network but don't think that is the only way.  The first job will be achieved by volume.  Somewhere out there is a cheap boss looking for a good deal.   

On Monday we will go over how Margot got her first real job after three other jobs.

What? And Give Up Show Business

I love Ben Stein.  He has a good article on making it in Hollywood...or anywhere else.

Here are the highlights.

Learn A Useful Skill--yeah, but where does that leave the hapless Liberal Arts major?  Get just about any job you can in an industry you are interested in and you will develop a marketable, useful skill.  Most jobs want one to two years experience.  They don't really care about the experience, they just want to know if you are going to show up.  So get that job.  Or fake that job.  Steven Spielberg did.  He snuck into Paramount, found an empty office and acted like he worked there.  Pretty soon he did.

Make Yourself Invaluable--another way to say this is make you so necessary to the job that you will soon run the place.  Get so into it that they can't survive without you.''

To Serve Is to Rule-making yourself invaluable seques into this one.  When you serve you will soon, again, be running the place.  The more they depend on you the more invaluable you become and then the bucks and the promotions come.  If they don't, no problem because you now have the skill set that other employers will pay for.

There Is No Quitting Time--there is at the Post Office or a union job but not for you and your career.  "When in Rome..."  Work the long hours at least for the first year and don't complain.  At this point you need them more than they need you.  Work to turn that around.

Connections Are Everything--especially in Hollywood but also in any other job or career field.  I know because I, readers, have written a screenplay.  And I got it read and not just by anybody but CastleRock who did among other things "When Harry Met Sally".   How did I get in there?  My sister is Rob Reiners lawyer.  Hey, you gotta do what it takes.

There's No Such Thing As Being Too Likeable--people like to be around positive, successful people.  I'm the biggest cynic on the planet but I try, really hard, not to puncture people's balloons.  Might suggest other ways to do things but don't say that idea is the stupidest thing in the world.  Be positive, be happy.

See the rest at http://finance.yahoo.com/columnist/article/yourlife/5551

Note to a reader:  DRNEUT.. I sent you an email.  It bounced back.  Sent again and seems to have gone through.  Hope you got it.

Your Own Business

I think this is what most people dream of.  At least I did.  Here's the scenario--driving to work at any time you want to in your vintage sports car, being greeted by your adoring but subservient employees, meeting with your loyal and satisfied customers and then driving home, say about three or four in the afternoon, to your palatial estate.  That's what I wanted.  The reality is somewhat different but doable.

I worked for two guys that had their own businesses.  One was a crook and the other was a social misfit.  They had to have their own business because they really couldn't work for anybody else.  So if you can't stand to have a boss then start or buy your own business.  (In reality everybody has bosses.  If you own your own business, the boss is the customer.)

But how do you get your own business?  One of two ways--start one or buy one.  Starting one is not hard and, thanks to technology, can be done in your spare time.  If you sell something on Ebay, you have your own business.  If you mow lawns, you have your own business.  (Don't laugh about the lawn mowing.  I was at a golf tournament with a friend and commented about a huge home overlooking the course.  Turns out the house was owned by a friend of my friend and the guy owned, you guessed it, a lawn service business.  In other words, he, or more correctly his employees, mowed lawns.)   

When people think of starting their own business they usually think of inventing something or coming up with a new product that everybody needs.  That doesn't happen very often.  There is only one Bill Gates in the world but there are lots of lawn care businesses.  If you want to start a business, find someone that has already done it and do what they do.  If a guy can become a millionaire mowing lawns then you can become a millionaire doing something similar.  My experience is that very successful business people know everything about their industry and are great delegators.  They are also efficient.  They work long hours but they report to themselves so who cares?  The first steps to take are go to the libary and read books on running a business.  Then find somebody in the field you want to work in and do what they do.  You may fall flat on your face but you can do that anywhere.  The key is trying.

The second way to get your own business is to buy one.   This is the preferred approach by most experts.  You can start by looking up business brokers in the phone book or going on line.  You don't pay a commission to buy a business, the seller does.  Also, you probably won't find the business you want right off the bat unless you want a liquor store or a dry cleaner.  But you will learn something about the world of small business.

Here's the main thing you need to know--you don't need a lot of money.  A person selling his business almost always has to offer financing.  Banks will usually only lend against hard assets.  Hard assets are plant, property and equipment.  Stuff they can sell if you default on the loan.  The majority of successful companies are worth much more than the equipment.  Starbucks is a franchise worth millions, billions, but not because of the expresso machines.  But a bank will lend only on the value of the expresso machines. 

So the majority of sellers of small companies must provide financing to prospective buyers.  That means you can buy an established business even if you don't have a lot of capital.  And most likely you will be successful.  A business broker told me that a new owner, on average, increases sales 20% in the first year just by bringing new blood to the business.

The action steps are the same--go to the libary and get a bunch of books on buying a business.  Then get out the phone book and talk to a bunch of business brokers.  Or put an ad in the business section saying "Young Buyer Looking To Acquire Established Business."

But after the books and the brokers, take a long look inside yourself.  Try to determine if your desire to own a business is a reality or just a fantasy.

A Not So Good Article

Saw this article that I thought would be of interest.  Of course, like most finance article, it isn't.  The perfect finance article would be:

Buy this stock at $20, it will go to $100 in twelve months, then sell it.

I've seen this article but it has never come true.  Or maybe it has but I didn't act on it but I don't think so.

Anyway, take a look at this http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/RetirementandWills/EscapeTheRatRace/5LessonsTheRichCanTeachYou.aspx?GT1=8473

The problem with this type of article is that it doesn't tell us HOW to become millionaires.  So I will because there are only four ways to become millionaires.  Winning the lottery does not count as one of them.

Actually, becoming a millionaire is not the thing we want.  The thing we want is to have enough funds to not work if we don't want to.  Fair enough?

So the four ways are:

1)  Inherit the money.

2) Work your way up the corporate ladder.

3) Own your own business.

4)  Invest wisely.

As far as number 1--it is in the same category as winning the lottery.  You can't change your parents.

Number 2 is not that hard.  It does take time and time doesn't seem to go fast when you are young.  Believe me, it will but not right now.  Sitting there at 22 or 23 saying I might be a millionaire by the time I'm 45 is pretty hard to imagine, let alone put into reality.  So we will make it easier by breaking it up into steps.

Step 1 is maxing out every tax deferral you can imagine.  At work it will be your 401k.  Don't think about it, just max it and go on.  You will learn to live on the money you have left over.  If you don't then you have other problems.

Step 2 is getting promotions.  In any entry level job you get your salary and maybe a company match on your 401k.  That's it.  But you don't know what your boss gets or her boss or all the bosses above you.  Benefits kick in the higher you go and they get pretty juicy.  If you hit manager then you probably get into the club called, you guessed it, the Management Bonus Plan.  Think 20% to 50% of your salary paid out in a lump sum every year.  Not too shabby.

Then maybe at manager or director, you get some stock options.  I remember my first options and I didn't even think to thank my boss because the stock market was doing nothing.  But I held on to the options and made a lot of money.  Still got 'em.  Then when you reach a certain grade level you get enhanced retirement plans along with perks like car allowance and maybe even a country club membership.  I got both which I really liked.

Groucho Marx said he wouldn't belong to any club that would have him for a member.  But if you want to make the big bucks in business, get promoted.  Then don't spend more than you make.  If you get pretty far up the ladder you will make a lot of money.  Just don't fall off.

Your own business tomorrow.

Working Hard...But Not Working Smart

A friend sent this regarding working hours.

I also know through one of my contacts that they didn't give it to the other
manager who left awhile back.  I know these guys work long hours.  I just don't
understand these tech companies, everyone seems to be working 80 hour
weeks.  I don't know where they get all the work?

He's a  nice guy  but works
too much - creates alot of it himself.  They are doing an efficiency study
trying to convince people that they need to hire more folks, which they may
or may not. But he said the study has said that he has averaged over 15
hours a day this year (includes weekends).    Again - I don't know what they are doing.

Well, the Ryder Cup was a complete washout except for Darren Clarke so back to this.  This is working hours.  Some people love to work, most don't but the trend is to longer and longer hours which is really stupid.

Take a look at the quote above from my friend commenting on the lack of success of a colleague.  I also know through one of my contacts that they didn't give it to the other manager who left awhile back.  I know these guys work long hours.  My friend is commenting on a job opening where they didn't give the job to the first in-house canditate and then didn't give it to the other in-house canditate.  A lot of companies don't trust their in-house canditates.

Then look at the next part. I know these guys work long hours.  So long hours and dedication to the job don't always translate into success.  In fact, often they work the opposite direction with the boss sitting there going "Why is that guy always taking so long to get something done?"

He's a  nice guy  but works too much - creates alot of it himself. This smells of busy work.  Also smells of not being able to prioritize tasks.

They are doing an efficiency study trying to convince people that they need to hire more folks, which they may or may not. But he said the study has said that he has averaged over 15 hours a day this year (includes weekends).    Again - I don't know what they are doing.

Why hire anybody else when you have morons like this willing to work 15 hours a day?  And not just work days but weekends.

Plus they didn't get the promotion.  So how do you handle a work place and work hours?

1) If you have just landed that first real job adopt the "When in Rome, do as the Romans" approach.  If your boss is a nut and works 2 million hours a week then so do you.  For one year.  Then evaluate the situation.  Do I mind working 2 million hours a week?  If so, no problem.  If you do mind, then see if your boss even notices if you start cutting back.  He may have a problem you don't like a home life that is out of hell and he doesn't want any part of it.  Try cutting back and see what happens.

2) What if it is the company culture?  Nobody works 2 million hours a week but many work 50.  If 50 is ok, do your 50 and no more.

3) What if the culture is a 100 hours a week?  Do your 100 for a year, see if you get promoted.  If not then do the 100 and take the rest of your time to look for a new job.  You can't just get a new job every day but you have put in your year and you know this is a dead ender so now is the time to get with the job search.

Now here is the real thing to watch out for-- don't get caught up in it.  If you are a workaholic, great.  If you are not, don't become one because you can end up a real zombie.  I hate that "Get a life thing" but ...  Working long is not smart.  Getting the job done is smart and will get results.  Find an environment that rewards results.

Remember Winston Churchill.  The guy drank a magnum of champagne a day, all day long.  He also took naps, probably had to from drinking.  But,  boy, did he get the job done.  Just ask the Germans.

Working Hard...But Not Working Smart

A friend sent this regarding working hours

I also know through one of my contacts that they didn't give it to the other
manager who left awhile back.  I know these guys work long hours.  I just don't
understand these tech companies, everyone seems to be working 80 hour
weeks.  I don't know where they get all the work?

He's a  nice guy  but works
too much - creates alot of it himself.  They are doing an efficiency study
trying to convince people that they need to hire more folks, which they may
or may not. But he said the study has said that he has averaged over 15
hours a day this year (includes weekends).    Again - I don't know what they are doing.

I'm going to do post on working hard but just realized the Ryder Cup is on.  More later.

What Will Really Get You Fired

The last couple of days we looked at what some journalist thought will get you fired.  Maybe, and some of the points were well taken.  But here are a couple more from my experience.  (Not being fired but seeing people get canned for stupid things.)

Don't Get Into Fights

I'm not talking politics here, I'm talking real fights.  I have seen two and they were ugly and three of the four people got fired.  The first fight was between two Human Resource people that finally went over the edge.  The woman won, the man didn't.  But they both lost because they both got fired because most companies fire anyone involved.  The second fight was between an Indian and a Pakistani.  These guys were top level PhD's who let a little nationalistic, religious rivalry get out of hand.  One of them got fired.  The other would have but he was the key guy in a certain drug development program so he got off but they locked him up in his own wing.

Abuse Expense Accounts

The number 1 reason for getting canned has to be this.  Or close.  Many people view expense accounts as supplemental income.  They are not and they get reviewed and you can lose your job if you abuse the privilege.  My rule was if I incurred an expense because I was away from home, I expensed it.  This did not include the morning paper. 

Some companies encourage use of the expense account, even to abuse it.  My experience has been that foreign companies do this the most because personal tax rates are so high internationally that the expense account becomes a company benefit.  It can also be used against you because a boss that wants to get rid of you knows what you expensed and he will use it against you.  As always, honesty is the best policy.

Do Something Stupid

In business, as in life, accidents happen.  Just don't let them happen to you.  Becoming the laughing stock of the company is not a good idea.  I know of one tax lawyer that was sent on an assignment to Brazil.  Only thing was he didn't make it.  Got on the plane in Chicago, transferred in Miami, flew to Sao Paulo where he got turned away.  Seems you have to have a visa to enter Brazil and he didn't have it.  The guy never lived it down and his nickname became Brazil.  I'm surprised the guy didn't jump out a window.  But he did get fired.  Was he fired because of his Brazil stunt?  Probably not but it sure didn't help.  Try to avoid stupid.

Get Drunk At A Company Event

Enough said.  The free drinks aren't free.  Be careful, you are being watched.

And the Number One reason for getting fired--Not doing your job.

Amazing that the author of the article did not mention incompetence, anywhere.  You will keep your job as long as you are useful to the company.  If you start screwing up, thinking two and two is five, you are on your way out. 

So forget the office gossip, the expense account and doing stupid things.  Concentrate on getting the job done and you will keep your job.  Not only keep your job, you will get promoted.

Ten Things To Do To Get Fired-Part 2

Sorry about yesterday.  Some equipment problems.

The final five things to do to get fired by some author somewhere.

6. Forget teamwork -- look out for No. 1.
No  one wants to work with an arrogant employee who steals ideas or an egotistical worker who demeans others. Helping your co-workers doesn't make you a pushover, it makes you smart. Likeable employees move up the company ranks more quickly, and your colleagues will be more likely to help you find leads when you launch your next job search.

No one wants to work with arrogant employees but we all do.  Number 6 is not a bad idea but it doesn't tell us how to handle the situation.  Be patient is the best way.  I had a boss who when he really got ticked about something would write a memo to the moron that made him mad and then stick it in a drawer for at least 24 hours.  Then he would pull it out, read it and decide whether to send it or trash it.  He said in all his years of corporate politics he only sent one memo.  And it was the biggest mistake of his life. 

This is not to say you just bend over for anybody.  But don't talk about it.  If you got a problem go to the source and confront the person.  Unless the problem is your boss and then you have to be more creative.

7. Bring your personal life to work.
It's inevitable that personal business is going to pop up during work hours. But keep in mind that cubicles don't lend any privacy, so the whole office can hear -- and are distracted by -- you making that appointment with your waxer. Keep personal calls and errands to a minimum during work hours.

This one probably won't get you fired.  But it is annoying so keep it to a minimum.

8. Consistently work "abbreviated" workdays.
Want to show your boss how little you care about your job or career progress? Regularly come in late and leave early. After all, if you can't be trusted to show up on time, how can your boss trust you with more responsibility?

This is pretty stupid.  Work the hours your boss works, at least until you get promoted or there is some sign your boss thinks you walk on water.  Bad habits become annoying.  Walking past your bosses office 15 minutes after start time when he has been there an hour already will not get you any points.  I know because a friend of mine had a guy that did that.  Drove him crazy.  So for the first few months the solution is easy--arrive when or before your boss does and leave when or after your boss does.  May be a bit of a hassle but well, as my wife says, that's life in the big.

9. Treat deadlines more like guidelines.
When you procrastinate, everyone suffers. Your missed deadlines reflect poorly on you and your boss, and they delay everyone else on the project, since they can't finish their work until you do yours.

Again, if you need to know this, you are already in big trouble.  They don't call them kind of deadlines.  They are deadlines and if you miss more than one your job will be dead.

10. Operate the gossip mill.
While you can't avoid office gossip completely, don't get caught spreading it. Think about it: Do you really want hurtful or untrue rumors to be traced back to you? And remember: A few martinis are no excuse for getting loose-lipped.

Not a problem for me.  A few martinis and I can't talk. 

Well, that is it.  The ten things that will get you fired.  Not really.  Tomorrow the real things that will get you fired.

Ten Things To Do To Get Fired

We did ten things to do to get hired, now ten things to do to get fired.  This from a corresponding article.

1. Don't bother learning what's expected of you.
Sit down with your manager and make sure you understand exactly what your job entails, your deadlines and any relevant department policies. This eliminates ambiguity and ensures you'll know how your performance measures up.

This writer seems to have a somewhat better handle on the subject, probably has been fired a time or two.  This works only if your boss knows what is expected of him/her.  Not always the case.

2. Learn to say, "That's not part of my job description," and use it frequently.
Everyone needs to set limits, but doing only the bare minimum sends a clear message that you're just interested in a regular paycheck. Sooner or later, your boss will start looking for someone willing to take more initiative.

If you say something like this you deserve to be fired as your boss writes your job description so he/she (I'm going to can this he/she stuff, will go with he for writing ease) can tell you to do anything they want, within legal things that is.

Go shopping in the supply closet.
While you're at it, run a few errands with the company car and pad your expense report. Stealing from the company is one of the best ways to guarantee your immediate dismissal.

Everybody ends up with the odd company pen or pencil at home, just don't overdo it.  I doubt if few people raid the company store on a regular basis, I mean how many staplers do you need?  But the expense account is a different story.  I have seen more careeers go down the drain because of this than any other source.  One big place to watch out for is if the COMPANY allows and even encourages you to 'pad the expense account.'  I don't know if many companies do it now but a few years ago many companies allowed executives to view the expense account as additional income.  The worst example I have seen is a guy went to work for a company, he was encouraged to pad the expense account with personal items, then the company fired him for some reason.  He wanted a package and they said no, you stole from the company.  And he had. 

For those of you clucking about the evil American capitalism that would allow such a thing, it is my experience that most companies that allow expense account padding are foreign companies.  The tax rates are so high that living off the company is viewed as ok.  But don't make it ok for you.

4. Abuse company technology.
Think your boss won't notice that you spend more time instant messaging your friends than you do working? Think again. Most companies monitor all their employees' e-mails and Internet usage -- and that includes what you do with your laptop after hours. Never use your company computer for anything illegal or X-rated.

This one is on the money.  Just read an article in Newsweek or Time and the programs they have to catch you are unreal.  I wouldn't go near a computer at work any more for personal stuff.  Stay away.

5. Complain about your job to anyone who will listen.
Whether your pay is too low, the work is drudgery or you think your boss is an idiot, be careful of who hears you complain. If it gets back to your boss, she may just put you out of your misery.

It is a sad fact that you spend more time at your company than with your family but it is true.  And familiarity breeds contempt.  Companies are just huge rumor mills so the least said the better.  Get a dog or a punching bag but try and limit the bitching.  This is really hard.  Believe me, I know.

Finish up tomorrow.

Ten Things To Do To Get Fired